First, I profusely apologize for the lack of communication in a time when so many have been reaching out to us.
I have a small amount of time before the trimmer comes to take care of those painful, horrific feet belonging to the 'Apple Orchard Kid', who has requested to be called LeRoi.
To reiterate from the brief front page update, we received a heartfelt outpouring from primarily our extended Boston Terrier family ~ those dedicated people associated with rescue who remember the support we've given when we were able. I trust that our personal income will exceed what it was before and WE WILL NOT FORGET this help.
The mortgage crisis contributions total $3,215 an the September care and feed contributions total $2,285. We didn't quite reach either goal, but it is nonetheless a heroic effort and a large sum of money.
Shortly after we decided to post about our mortgage situation (which was a painful and difficult decision for us - it is embarrassing and difficult to believe we got to that point) we received a call with an offer extending a personal loan to get us back in the good graces of the mortgage company. This was very difficult for me to believe (and not easy to accept) - how could anyone have such faith in us? In any case, this was an emotional transaction for me and took a toll on my energies.
At the risk of being completely inappropriate, I must share that I have a bit of anger and frustration around all of this. I am not saying that we do not accept FULL responsibility for our situation and outspending our income - we have learned well from our mistakes and have changed much about our lifestyle. Rather, I am angry at 'The Universe' (nothing like a broad generalization to direct your anger at, huh?) In 2005 alone, we gave over $75,000 to many, many different organizations. When we find olurselves in need, it is very difficult to accept money from those same people, who I know can least afford it, or from people we recetly met and haven't known us in our better times. I sort of expect some higher form of assistance that wouldn't take from others in a way which may diminish their own abundance. We use our recycle money to play the lottery... And I believe in miracles. Anytime now would be good, you know?
I have always had a difficult time receiving. Even receiving gifts as a child. My wonderful husband as reminded me often that the other side of giving is to receive and it is important to be a gracious receiver. The thing that keeps me from breaking completely down is knowing what it feels like to give. I love it. It can be addictive. To know you've helped make someone else's path easier in some way is an incomparable feeling.
We have experienced some SIGNIFICANT contrast of late. There are gifts and lessons attached, but it is difficult and draining.
Late Saturday night we received a call about this horse that had been abandoned in an apple orchard in Stockton. He had been there for three months and his feet were awful was all we knew. Even though we knew there would be some cost, we could not leave him there. Even if it were so bad that we simply assisted him with pink serum into a higher realm, I couldn't let him suffer any longer alone.
More about the specifics as I can, but trust me when I say we've all been pondering over and over how this could be ~ why three whole months? No calls to Animal Control or some other rescue? We know there are a lot of us little "Mom & Pops" organizations out there.
Jane St. Croix has checked in a few tiems already, and this horse has a can-do spirit ands says "I can do this!" I believe him. He is mid teens and aside from his feet and the choke related maladies, has no other obvious disabilities. We are nursing him through pneumonia. I stayed out in the pasture with him Sunday night, he stayed at the vet Monday night and I stayed again with him Tuesday night (which happened to be Woody's and my second anniversary). Last night I kissed LeRoi, hugged him and told him that I needed some good sleep and I put it in his hands. The vet didn't expect him to last the night, but when we awoke, he was up and walking around.
We've spent a good deal of time at the vet. This was one of those snowball deals, too. I told the vet we had maybe $1,000 TOPS to save his life (which we would not have had were it not for the loan and yes I realize that this was, indeed, the Universe's way of showing up for us - The Universe has many names and faces). If it were a simple choke case, it could be done for as little as $300. Okay, let's go forward.... But then this-n-that happened.... and I asked her opinion about continuing to move forward, ready to call it a loss if need be.... and I checked in with Jane and he said "I can do this!"
Well, we're at $1,800 and he is walking around the area, waiting for relief for his feet, which is late and why this is so long.
He is our turn-around horse. I fully expect him to mirror our return to financial health. The Universe didn't turn its back on us and we have not turned our back on a kid in need, as much as it was the worst possible financial time for us to take this on.
Maybe we're crazy. Trimmers here... More soon.
Much love to all of you.